i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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