I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
ttyl tear gas
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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