You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
