he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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