if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
