My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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