dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
