Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
