i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
