dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
