i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
