I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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