What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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