How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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