true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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