is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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