i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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