Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
