hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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