why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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