Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
