I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
