Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
