Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
