well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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