we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
