the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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