Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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