I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
being pregnant is like rehab
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
