I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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