I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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