It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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