forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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