the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
