Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
