it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
