I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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