So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
