so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize