During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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