There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
there was a trapeze. enough said
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
