i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
