Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
