Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
