Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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