I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
