I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
