Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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