He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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