**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
