What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
MIDGETS
????
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
