could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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