I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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