i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Randomize
