well I can't set my house on fire every night
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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