is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
