Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
