My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
