in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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