Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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