had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
