Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
