You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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