i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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