You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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