85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
