Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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