do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
