I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
