i think my tv is drunk
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
