it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
