Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
