i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
