we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
