Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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