so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
