dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
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Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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