As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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