I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
whose parrot is this?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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