loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
