sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
